Dear Pink Sisters: MLK, Pink Hats, Silence and other things that divide us

Dear Pink Sisters,

When you hear the words, “I have a dream” do you break into an Abba song or do you hear the incredible call from THE Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to join our sisters of color to secure guaranteed unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for everyone?

I am not qualified to write a post about THE Reverend. I confess I LOVE Abba.

Abba’s I have a dream, is a song to sing that helped me cope with many things.

It inspires the hope of a fairy tale.

It helped me take the future even when I failed.

It is a fantasy that helped me through the reality of childhood abuse and neglect, rape and domestic violence.

It is a song that encourages me to see something good even in the meanest people I meet or whose posts I read.

I confess I enjoyed light pink feminist marches and protests that resembled a Mamma Mia musical number. It gave me energy and hope. I got lost in the moment and didn’t realize I was mesmerized by another fleeting monochrome fantasy that couldn’t produce fruit without a diverse cast.

And no matter how much I sing of fairy tales and fantasies, reality will always be the same without a new song.

This new racist, homophobic, sexist U.S Administration is exhausting enough without burning precious energy to fight about hats.

If you haven’t heard and you recently bought a pink hat for the next march, please check the  Women’s March website because for very good reasons, they asked us to leave the pink hats at home.

I know from many nasty responses by pink feminists arguing about clothing and colors over the blood, sweat and feelings of our sisters of color that too many don’t care about how their sisters or I feel.

I also know many sisters of color have, made and wore pink hats.

If you growled back when a trans woman of color asked you not to wear your pink hat and snarled when a woman of color explained why the hat is hurtful, you’ll probably bite when I chime in to encourage you  to retire your pink hat.

You said you are too busy playing with your beautiful pink vagina and knitting to hear the cries of your sisters.

I realize that was hardly a conversation starter.  And I can hear my hubby chuckling while he reads this and saying, “Karen” with a head shake.

I just wanted to take a moment to show that I can be nasty too.  I can fight.  I can growl. I can dig in my heels and call on all the meanness, stubbornness and roar of a foolish bully.

But what does it accomplish?

Did pink hats stop an army of young white male tiki torch bearers?  Did pink hats make them afraid and ashamed to march without their hoods through any street or town in America?

Did the hats stop them from killing a member of our resistance?

This is not the world I hoped to leave for my daughter or any of my sisters of color daughters and granddaughters.

Is this the world you wanted to pass down to your daughters?

It is 2018!

Justice should be a reality not a fairy tale. All women. Yes, all. women. must be guaranteed unalienable rights.

It is 2018.

Our trans sisters are fighting to use the bathroom.

Our lesbian sisters are being murdered at alarming rates.

Our sisters of color are dying in childbirth. Their sons and daughters are dying at traffic stops.

Our brown sisters are being separated from their children and being deported.

Our children are losing health coverage.

And our pink sisters are voting for rapists and pedophiles. They are standing by their men, hoping their men will let them stay up late and eat cake.

But not the pink hat sisters of the resistance. We are different. You will know us by our pink hats. You will know us by our love. We are progressive!

Can you hear Abba building up in the background?  Come on, everybody join hands. We are the dancing queens. We are ready to dance.

We tried inviting more women of color to the party but they wouldn’t come. And the few that did, complained because we didn’t give them a lead in OUR musical. And they complained about the wardrobe.

How dare they? It was awful! They ruined our song and pissed on our parade.

I truly hope I sound really stupid and completely insensitive.

Pink hats will not provide our trans sisters with bathroom rights.

Pink hats will not keep our lesbian sisters of color alive.

Pink hats will not stop the murder of their sons and daughters during traffic stops.

Pink hats will not stop our brown sisters from being separated from their children when they are deported.

Pink hats will not provide our children health coverage.

Pink hats will not even stop grabbing hands.

Our sisters of color and the organizers of the Women’s March asked us to leave our hats at home. They didn’t tell us to destroy them.  They didn’t rip them off our heads.  They said the hats were offensive and not inclusive.

How do you know someone respects you?  They listen to you.  They care what you have to say and they respond.

You know someone cares about you when they speak up for you.  You know someone cares when they cry with and for you.


Are you satisfied with the same ol’ trickle down equal rights fairy tale?

If your pink hat and the reasons you wear it are still more important than the safety of our sisters of color, please wear it with pride.  This is America. Your hat is your first amendment freedom of speech. It helps all of us know who is safe, who is on our side and who we can trust.

However, if you are looking for a new reality, than it is time to change the record.

Our sisters of color have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all are created equal.”

Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of our children. Are you with us?


Additional Study Resources:

So You Want to Talk About Race

16 Books About Race That Every White Person Should Read Huff Post

Pussyhat Project Founder

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