Abuse 101: Offenders, Other Scary Men (People), Politics and other Stuff

farrow-weinstein-in-story1Does Harvey Weinstein know it’s domestic violence awareness month? Because he’s given everyone a lot to talk about.

Sexual Assault Awareness Month is in April but we can’t wait until April to address these predators.

While the assaults, plural assaults, didn’t just occur, they have just recently come to light almost a year to date from when the POTUS45 “grab them by the pussy” tape. And they need to be addressed.

For most of my followers, America is our Domestic. Let’s address the violence.

Harvey Weinstein and POTUS45 and anyone who assaults, rapes or otherwise harasses another person is toxic.

Their political party, income, fame, age, race, gender, marital status, talent, intelligence, sexual preference or anything else doesn’t change nor are they to blame for their horrendous acts.

Nothing makes it okay. None of those factors make it less of a crime.

Toxic people by definition are NOT healthy. They are harmful, destructive and dangerous.

Toxic people hurt almost everyone who comes in contact with them except a few lucky ones that may catch them too exhausted from their last rape, abuse, harassment or whatever they prefer to do to shatter someone’s life.

It doesn’t matter how many other people they know that they didn’t take advantage of. Other relationships don’t make them less toxic. Good deeds and donations don’t erase crimes.

One of the most hurtful and not helpful things someone said to me after I shared I was raped was how they thought my rapists were nice. Ouch!

How was that helpful?

When as a child protective services worker I investigated abuse at a school or day care, there were always parents defending the perpetrator because the abuser was “nice”, didn’t hurt their child or they didn’t like the injured child, didn’t think the injured child was really hurt or worse they blamed the child not the perpatrator. Ouch!

Victim blaming isn’t helpful.  It doesn’t matter what the victim was or wasn’t wearing. It’s not about the victim, it’s about the perpetrators lack of self-control.

Toxic people have multiple victims. Thank you Harvey, POTUS45, the Fox network of perpetrators and Cosby for proving that fact. One perpetrator has multiple victims.

Perpetrators lack self-control.

Perpetrators don’t care about consent. They believe they are entitled.

STOP blaming victims. NO ONE DESERVES to be assaulted!

I am thankful for the brave women who came forward to tell their story. I know it’s scary and took courage. Your courage will give others the courage to speak up and find out they’re not alone.

Thankfully most people are not toxic. That may be really hard if not impossible to believe if you’re currently surrounded by lions. But most people are not toxic.

Thank you for everyone who spoke out in support of the victims. Knowing someone toxic, doesn’t make you toxic.

Thank you, the New Yorker for publishing this story regardless of the perp’s fame.

Toxic people are poisonous, will not get better on their own, get worse when challenged, and require professional intervention and separation from any possible victims.

Toxic people must be held accountable for their horrendous actions.

While it was long overdue, I am thankful he was finally fired for his horrible actions.

A toxic relationship may be physically, sexually, emotionally or psychologically abusive.

Toxic people should come with warning labels.  They lack boundaries. They look for their victim’s weakness to humiliate, blackmail and shame. Their threats are real.

And they won’t get tamed by an apology. They must acknowledge their crimes and take full responsibility. They must be held accountable. The  message must be clear.

They need to be incarcerated with at least three years of treatment and a lifetime of monitoring. 

They have to learn self-control, boundaries, and consent.

If they are a narcissist, they are arrogant and no known treatment will change their behavior or beliefs.

Usually healthy people know when they come into contact with a toxic person because the eerie music comes on like in the movies and their gut tells them to get away before something bad happens.  But we are all sometimes caught off guard by toxic people.

All relationships are occasionally dysfunctional. We’ve all said and done things we shouldn’t have said but that doesn’t make us toxic.

Toxic people by definition are NOT healthy. They are harmful, destructive and dangerous.  Only the toxic person is to blame.

If you are in a toxic relationship tell someone.

If someone tells you they have been hurt, abused or assaulted, believe them.


 The National Domestic Violence Hotline


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